I made the conscious to stop breastfeeding when Abe was 11 weeks old, exactly. We introduced a bottle (of pumped milk) at about 5 weeks. We introduced formula (one bottle a day, at first) at 8 weeks.
I don’t love breastfeeding.
I never did in those 11 weeks.
Occasionally I would get a small glimpse of what it would be like to like it – but that usually evaporated pretty quickly.
From day one I dreaded feeding time. And if you have a newborn, you know that feeding time comes around every hour. So I was feeling sad and anxious pretty much around the clock. And of course, the first couple weeks were painful, as well. Abe was also a slow eater, so it made it that much worse.
I had some semi-selfish aspects to quitting, as well. I didn’t like smelling like spoiled milk, all.the.time. My breasts were tender, I had a painful letdown. I felt like I was tied down, and that if I wanted to go out I had to make sure that my clothes were boob-accessible.
But really, the bottom line was this:
Breastfeeding made me anxious, I dreaded feeding Abe, and I didn’t want to resent my son. I wanted him to grow, and be loved, and I didn’t want him to get any negative feelings from me. I’m here to love, and nurture, and feed my baby boy.
And while technically my breastmilk fed him, the feelings I associated with breastfeeding did nothing to foster nurture and love. (This isn’t to say that I suffered from PPD. I didn’t. I never felt angry or like I wanted to hurt Abe. I just really hated breastfeeding him.)
I do believe that breast milk has great benefits for babies. That is why I tried to breastfeed him as long as I could. But I also believe that formula is fine. Great, in fact! If you formula feed, for whatever reason, I think that’s great. If you breastfeed, that’s also great.
There’s a stigma behind breastfeeding, and there’s one behind formula feeding as well. No matter what you choose, there will always be some sort of opposition.
So no matter what choice you make, make it for you.
And don’t let anyone else bring you down or make you feel guilty.
