 |
| image source |
This was probably one of my favorites of the books that I’ve reviewed for Family Christian (other favorites here, here, and here). It aligned so well with parenting principles that Kyle and I believe in, are practicing, or are wanting to practice as our kids get older, so it was nice to have it all in one slim book I can consult if I am in need of tips later on. As you know, Kyle has a bachelor degree in Pyschology, and a Masters of Counseling degree (and is a licensed professional counselor), and I have a bachelor degree in Human Development, so parenting and boundaries are things we have both studied in school and things that we have strong opinions on.
I’ve mentioned before, but Kyle currently runs a parenting group for the state. You can learn more about it here. The program is called Parenting with Love and Limits (not to be confused with Parenting with Love and Logic) and is an evidence based program that combines parent education classes, group therapy and family therapy into a program meant for parents and their adolescents that have behavioral and emotional problems.
Obviously, the word “limits” is in the name of the program Kyle uses, and limits are the same as boundaries. Children need, and want, boundaries! They are good things! And in Bonding with Your Child Through Boundaries, June Hunt introduces you to why you should implement boundaries in your house, as well as guides you through 36 different scenarios and how you can apply boundaries to each of them (such as Anger, Bedtime, Gossip, Homework, and Whining, just to name a few.).
If limits and boundaries are things that you either you struggle with in your household, or are things that you would like better ideas on how to implement, I highly recommend this book. I love that it is a small volume, easy to read, with easy to implement instructions.
I asked Kyle to write up a few of his thoughts on parenting and boundaries, so I could share them here, along with this book recommendation. He kindly obliged, and I’m excited to have him share some of his thoughts. I hope you enjoy them!
When it comes to parenting…Modeling above all else. You can’t scream and yell at your kids and expect them to give you respect. The golden rule applies to how you treat your kids as well (I’d have a lot less clients if people understood this). If you do something then it is likely that your child will do the same thing.
You need to take care of yourself in order to care for your kids. Have hobbies and be involved with things you are passionate about. Never underestimate the importance of how you eat, sleep, and exercise. Your kids will more or less adopt your same self-care habits.
I see good structure in parenting as the trellis that helps the vine grow. No trellis is like not enough structure in the family and the vine goes anywhere but up. Kids with no structure in their lives do not succeed. I know many of these kids and the sad part is they would do really well if they had a dependable adult in their life. I abhor seeing kids fail because of their circumstances and having people label them as lazy or stupid. I can’t be their parent but maybe I can be a small example of kindness and health.
Too much structure is like a vine trying to grow on a flat wall and your child will be held back by anxiety and self-doubt because they won’t know where to go. Let them make their own choices as early as possible and give them more and more responsibility/freedom as they grow. Don’t be a control freak. The more you try to control the less control you have. Trying to control too much will lead to rebellion. Don’t worry so much about whether they leave the house with clothes that match and worry more about whether they like the person in the clothes. Don’t do too many things they can do for themselves and instead teach them more skills and abilities that they can use particularly for others.
Structure is really about priorities. I think a family motto or objective statement is a great idea. What is it that you value most? Do your kids know that? Are you teaching them that every day? How often do you tell them “brush your teeth” or “say please and thank you” as opposed to “how was your day” “what did you learn” and “did you do anything nice for someone today?” That’s not to say you shouldn’t teach your kids to brush their teeth twice a day or have manners, but some things are more important. You can probably guess from my questions that learning and service are important to me (BYU’s motto rubbed off). So ask yourself what matters to you and how are you teaching your children those priorities? Structure your life and parenting accordingly.
Good luck. Oh and some kids grow slower and need more structure than others. So be patient and love them. It’s not an exact science J
I received free product from Family Christian in exchange for an honest review.
All opinions are my own.
