Let’s talk about how I’m a crazy person right now. With less than 2 weeks to go until my due date, and one week until my scheduled c-section, I’m a mess. I’m hormonal and crazy and I thought you’d like a glimpse into my mind. As bloggers we usually keep the crazy to ourselves, but today… Well, you get a special treat 😉
Here’s the thing. You all know that I delivered Abe via a cesarean section. It was what was best for him, and I didn’t mind that one bit. I actually had a fabulous experience with it, and so, going into this pregnancy, I knew that I wouldn’t mind having another. My doctor and hospital up north don’t do VBACs (vaginal births after cesarean) and had we not moved I would be moving forward with a scheduled c-section at 39 weeks, no questions asked, done and done. Which would have been fine.
However, my doctor and hospital down here DO do VBACs, if you’ve only had one previous cesarean and if you’re a good candidate. I’m a good candidate because my c-section was because of Abe, not because of me and my body. So I have about an 80% chance of having a successful vaginal birth
We plan on living here in Pocatello for quite a while, which means I will probably be delivering the rest of my babies here. So this means that if I wind up having a cesarean, whether by choice or by the fact that my body or baby don’t cooperate with a vaginal delivery, I will have the rest of my babies by c-section. Again, it’s fine. I had a good c-section experience the first time, and I’m not nervous about that experience at all.
BUT all of that hinges on THIS birth. And while I am fine with having all c-sections, I would REALLY like to experience labor and delivery through a vaginal delivery. It’s just something I want.
My doctor has said he’ll follow me to 41 weeks, but if my body hasn’t gone into labor by then, we’ll schedule a c-section, since induction when you’ve previously had a cesarean makes the risk of uterine rupture go up, way up. So we won’t be doing an induction. And the idea of going 2 weeks longer than I need to, and then winding up with a c-section anyway makes me want to cry.
At this point, I am so done with pregnancy. Now, I’m a proponent of “baby will come when she’s ready”. And IF I wasn’t able to schedule a c-section and if I was just waiting to go into labor in order to experience a “normal” birth or even if I would be able to be induced in order to get this labor process rolling, I would have no problem just hanging in there. BUT I don’t have those options. And my body hurts. Running after a toddler hurts. Doing normal day to day things hurts. I’m just feeling done.
But again, am I cheating myself out of the vaginal birth, of any future hope of vaginal births, because I am feeling huge and uncomfortable? Because I have the opportunity to schedule a c-section and I took it? I don’t know. I go back and forth daily. I feel a bit like I’m crazy. I am major obsessed with this decision.
____________________
Revisiting this blog post a day later….
Actually, writing this out really helped me calm down and see more clearly. As of right now I have a c-section scheduled for November 2nd. That’s the 39 weeks date. However, I have decided to talk with my doctor at my appointment today and see if we can re-schedule it for a week or two later, at the tail end of my pregnancy. That way, I still have an “end by” date, but I will also be giving my body a little bit longer to get itself into gear and go into labor on my own.
Phew. Sounds like a good plan.
And if you made it this far, you deserve a gold star. I don’t have a gold star, but please accept this picture of Abe at 2 days old, right after we brought him home from the hospital. Oh, I love that squishy little face.
Wife to Kyle, and momma to Abe, Eliza and Jonah. I'm a stay-at-home momma by day, and a blogger by naptime. I graduated from BYU with a degree in Human Development, and I love to read more than anything. I love my Savior, and sharing His love for others is my greatest passion.
