I’ve missed coming to this little space of mine to just write. Believe me, I so appreciate the opportunities I have to create sponsored material, and I also love sharing what I’m reading with you, as well as all the other products and things that I’m currently loving, and I love the link-ups that I enjoy participating in, but sometimes I need to get back to the roots of why I started this blog — to just write.

When I started this blog, I did so because I not only wanted a place to share my favorite products and things with all of you, but I also wanted a place where I could just write. I wanted to make it a place where I wasn’t just sharing family updates or just sharing favorite things or just sharing fashion posts or just sharing all things mommy-hood — I wanted a place where I could just write what I was thinking, and feeling. Where I could just write whatever was consuming my thoughts.

And so that is what I’m doing today. A little update of my mind, if you will.

I am, in general, a giant walking contradiction. I love motherhood, but I crave independence from my littles. I like to think I have it all, but sometimes I feel like I’m drowning. I’m not prone to depression at all, but sometimes I get into a funk. I get excited and overwhelmed by the very same things. I strive to live a good Christian life, but often focus on perfection over progress, judgement over grace.

But really, as I read back through what I just wrote…. Aren’t we all that way? Aren’t we all portraying a part of us, and not all of us, even in our day-to-day interactions? Whether we are communicating over the internet, over social media, or face-to-face, there is always something we are holding back. There is always something that we don’t communicate or see.

There is beauty in this life, but there is also messiness, and sometimes it is hard to find a balance between the two.

Balance. Progress. Goals. Self-care.

Those are words I have been focusing on lately.

What is the best way for me to set goals? What is the best way for me to do, well, anything? My best way will not look like your best way. And that is ok. And that is also something we are all in the process of learning.

A new year is looming. And that frightens me and excites me.

There are so many things I want to do. But I am only human. And it is hard balancing priorities. Man, it is hard.

This is the thing. I really do feel like I have it all together. I feel pretty good about where I am in my life. I don’t feel like I have much messiness. But really, I do. When I stop and think about it, I have to try to admit to myself that I am messy. Because I am human. I think I am perfect, but I am not. People will often post about the messiness of their lives, and I think to myself, well, I am not messy. I don’t have that problem.

But then I think. And I think some more.

And I think to myself, just because I don’t feel guilty about not having a clean house doesn’t mean that I should just be complacent about cleaning. Just because I don’t feel bad about not reading my scriptures every day doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try be making that a priority. In other words, I need to be striving for something more, and not be so complacent.

Because I do have messiness.

We all do.

We are human. We are mortal.

We do not have to live in an all or nothing world.

I’ve been very casually following Lara Casey and her PowerSheets for most of this year. Many of my favorite blogging friends utilize them and sing their praises, and I’ve been contemplating jumping on the bandwagon. Lara and her team just released the pre-order for the 2017 PowerSheets, and as I was watching her launch video, the phrase “progress over perfection” really stuck out to me.

And you know what? Progress over perfection terrifies me.

I am not sure why, but that phrase frightens me to my very core.

I often say that I am not a perfectionist. But I think, underneath it all, I am.

I say I am not scared, but I am terrified.

I need to do some soul searching. I need to reach out to my Father. I need to shed layers. Piece by piece. I need to uncover who I really am inside. And so, I ordered those PowerSheets, even though it scared me to do so. And 2017 will be the year of goals and uncovering myself, and really digging in to who and what I am and want to be. Some self-therapy, if you will. I’m already brainstorming of goals and ways I want to accomplish said goals this next year.

I am really wanting to dig down deep, create some good habits, and break some bad ones. I’ve always been comfortable with myself, in my own skin, but that doesn’t mean that progress isn’t needed.

Progress is always needed.

We just need to find where.

I’m not sure if these thoughts made sense. I’m not sure if they quite captured the thoughts that are circling around my mind.

I’m excited for the new year. I’m excited for what I have planned already in regards to my goal and decision making processes. I’m hoping to translate some of that onto the blog, but I have much more planning and uncovering to do in preparation for that, before the new year.

Thanks for reading, thanks for sticking with me, thanks for being you.