It’s hard to not care about the numbers.

That’s something I’ve often thought in the four years since I started this blog. It’s hard to not be disappointed when your page views fall, or to not feel stressed out when your feel like you’re not putting out enough content, or that your content isn’t high quality. It’s hard to not care about getting sponsored posts. It’s hard not to compare.

Obviously over the past year, my blog has changed. Between blogging infrequently (hello, morning sickness, prenatal depression, and having a newborn) and not being offered as much sponsored content, I’ve consistently felt “off” regarding my blogging. Does it even matter? Should I keep going? What do I want from my blog? Is this my “calling”, as it were?

When I started My Little Sunshines over four years ago, I was excited about sharing content with the world, about hopefully being able to get some sponsored posts and product review opportunities, and to have a hobby to call my own. I was a new mom, to a wonderful baby boy, and had a husband who often worked long hours. Since that day, we’ve moved across the state, bought a home, and added two more children to the mix. My life is, generally speaking, much busier than it was than that day when I had hours to fill each day while the baby napped. These days, my time is filled with looking after 3 children, 4 and under, trying (and generally failing) at keeping a clean house, and trying to fit in all the other necessary things that keep our lives running.

I don’t have time to care about the numbers. Or even, really, to blog at all.

I pretend I do. I say to myself, I can quickly write a post while Eliza and Jonah are napping, or while the kids are downstairs watching a show. But even when I try to carve time out, something inevitably needs done instead. Jonah needs to eat, or Eliza wants to play, or Abe wants to snuggle. And then I find myself frustrated at my kids. And I don’t like that. Not at all. And really, my heart’s just not in it anymore.

A few weekends ago, my church held General Conference, a bi-annual conference where we watch and listen to our leaders as they offer us council and encouragement. I went into it with a specific question in mind — is blogging and being a social influencer really what I should be doing right now, my calling, so to speak. Is that what you want me to do with any extra time I might find or create?

The answer I received was an overwhelming “no”. 

The answer I received was an overwhelming “serve”. 

Serve your neighbors, your friends. Serve my people. Those that surround you in real life. Minister to the people I have put in your life. Listen to My Spirit, follow the promptings I give you, and care for my sheep that I have put in your path.

I have been “serving” the online community so much, that I have forgotten to serve the people who surround me daily. I have been writing for “the common good” (and ok, let’s be honest, some personal gain) instead of spending that time doing good for my family, my friends, my neighbors.

I have forgotten that people are not interruptions. 

This isn’t a goodbye, not really.

I love my blog, I’m proud of the space I created, and I still do love to write. You’ll still see me on here, from time to time, as I share my thoughts with you — I could never not blog. There might even be a sponsored post or two, if they’re offered to me and I feel strongly about the product and/or content. (And I do have a few to post, to fulfill contracts and requirements.) But who knows if sponsored posts will be offered anymore, because as the number of posts published go down, so do page views and other statistics. That’s just how it is, and that’s ok.

For me, I’ve found that influencing online is not my calling, it’s not what I am supposed to be doing right now, at this point in my life. For some it might be, and I’m learning to be ok with that. My path is smaller, it may not seem as glamorous, but it’s every bit as influential, and every bit as important. And I’m praying for the strength to follow Him, and become who I am meant to be.