If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that I took a break from that app starting in February that lasted about 3 weeks. For the first time since I downloaded the app onto my phone in early 2012, I deleted it from my phone. I’ve taken “breaks” before, but never actually deleted the app — and it was time.

I experienced prenatal depression during my pregnancy with Jonah, and in January those feelings started to creep back in, accompanied by intense anxiety.  Through some self-reflection, I came to understand that it was partially due to the constant bombardment of opposing facts, particularly on Instagram (although all social media has it’s faults). There are so many great accounts out there, but even all of the good ones conflict each other in some way. And it’s just too much for our brains.

During my break, I constantly reflected on just what it was about social media that is addicting and also anxiety-inducing. What was it that I enjoyed about it and what was it that I disliked? Why did I follow who I did? Why do I post the things I do?

It was a time of serious self-reflection — and it still is ongoing, and probably will be for quite a while (forever?).

Now, before I go any further, I have to pop in and tell you about a favorite of mine, Kristen LaValley. You might recognize her name, or at least recognize the title of her viral blog post from a few years ago, “Are You Lonely, Mama?”. Girlfriend has been a favorite of mine for years now, and she’s been feeling the same as I have about this crazy thing called Instagram. She recently spent 20 minutes on instastories (a fairly normal amount of time for most, I would say) and recorded what she saw and heard during those 20 minutes. Look her up and watch her highlights video about it because MAN it was insane. And it was exactly what I have been noticing and thinking about, too. She saw so many different accounts, different advertisements, people promoting different brands, people updating on their life, people sharing messages about health and fitness and self-love. All the things. All of them. And it’s overwhelming.

I’m sharing Kristen and her account because she helped put into words all the thoughts I was having. We’ve been literally having the same thoughts on opposite sides of the country. Kristen and I are on the same page, and she has influenced me in some of my wording, for which I am grateful. And I don’t think that it’s by accident that the two of us, along with many others, and getting these stirrings in our hearts and minds. I think social media is changing, and people are changing, and in turn we will change social media again.

All of this to say, here’s what I’ve been thinking about in relation to Instagram specifically (although it can definitely be applied to all types of social media), organized into four areas in order to be a little more succinct and to the point with my thoughts (LOL it can be a struggle for me), and I hope they make sense to you, and that you can understand what has been on my mind lately, and that it might even inspire you to have your own “awakening” and discover ways to make social media work for you.

And so, here are my four thought areas:

1. Cutting down your time spent on social media is a good thing, but it’s not the end all, be all. You will still see a crazy amount of stuff in a short amount of time. And it will still influence you and your mind.
2. Who you follow matters. It doesn’t matter if you’re following the most popular, kindest girl who shares all about self-love — if her posts make you feel like crap, stop following her. It’s not working for you, and that’s ok. Follow those who you genuinely love, care about, and whose posts you enjoy. Don’t follow someone for a giveaway if you don’t enjoy their feed. Don’t follow random brands. Don’t follow that fitness account if it doesn’t motivate you and only causes self-loathing. Go through your following list and purge it, girl.
3. Don’t get on Instagram when you’re feeling sad, depressed, anxious, vulnerable, or discontent. It will only make you feel worse. Go watch videos of kittens and rainbows or something instead. Or read your favorite book. Or call a friend. Or take a walk. Do something productive that will lift you up, not push you further down.
4. Self-reflect on your own “why”. Why are you posting? Are you posting to help and uplift your own followers? Or are you posting just to vent about your day? (Not necessarily bad, but probably not all you should be posting about, plus it might just make you feel worse.) Are you posting to legitimately share with your friends what’s going on in your life? Or are you posting to flaunt what you have (whether subconsciously or not)?

All of these things have been on my mind, and I’m striving to take them to heart. I’ve got #1 and #2 down ok, but man #3 and #4 are still ongoing, and I honestly think they will be something I have to actively think about each time I’m about to get on social media. Changing your mindset is hard, but I think as we honestly evaluate both what we’re consuming and what we’re posting. For me, I think I have often posted with a “look at me” attitude, maybe when I’m in need of validation or feeling selfish. Not necessarily consciously — I have always and will always strive to really post those things that I think will help and uplift others — but it can get murky sometimes, which is why we need to be vulnerable and honest with ourselves.

I”m a firm believer in (self) evaluation — looking to see who we are, why we are doing what we’re doing, why we are feeling the way we are, and where we need to change. We can’t change others, but we can always change ourselves; our thoughts, our actions, our habits, and our attitudes. And that is what I’m working on. Changing myself for the better.

I challenge you to do the same.