You go to the hospital.

You have a baby.

The nurses take great care of you for 24-48 hours after delivery….

And then they send you home with a little bundle of joy.

Without an instruction manual.

What is a momma (or daddy!) to do?!

Well, my dears, here are a few things that surprised me in the first few weeks.. So I am passing on my knowledge to you, in hopes you’ll feel a little more prepared, when the time comes.

1) You may think that you will be over your backache after you deliver that baby. And while that particular backache goes away, another one comes in it’s place. In my experience, my constant, lower backache was replaced with a constant, upper backache. I attribute it to using muscles I didn’t know I had – and getting used to holding a little infant in my arms all.day.long. (It goes away, don’t worry.)

2) Babies pee uric acid crystals when they are newborns. And they look like blood when they hit the diaper, especially during nighttime changes. And then you might freak out because your baby is peeing blood! Except, he isn’t. So don’t you worry (or google blood in urine, because it will scare you).

3) If you’re breastfeeding, be prepared for pain. Your boobs will be huge when your milk comes in, and be so tender. (And for me, they were tender up until I quit breastfeeding at 11 weeks. I also had a painful let down. It was not a fun time for me.) And also be prepared for the fact that you will not “get your body” back any time soon if you are breastfeeding.

4) If you’re breastfeeding, you might have to cut out certain foods from your diet, as baby may not like them. Abe wasn’t overly fond of when I drank milk, he got really gassy and upset. Strangely, I could have ice cream, milkshakes, and cheese – it was just straight milk he didn’t like.

5) Babies (especially tiny ones) have what my pediatrician called a “butt dimple”. To me it looked like an indent at the bottom of his spine and I was sure he had some sort of back problem. NOPE. It’s just his bum crack, except since he was so small it was just a teeny-tiny indent. Phew.

6) If you have a boy, and you choose to circumcise him, you will go through a huge jar of Vaseline in the week following his circumcision. So please, invest in one now.

7) Modestly flies out the window. After a couple of days of nurses and doctors and CNAs all up in your business, you won’t even care anymore. And if you do care? Well, that’s too bad and they’re going to check you out anyway. A favorite story of mine is when my friend came to visit while in the hospital. I was telling her my birth story (I had a c-section) and I literally had to restrain myself from whipping open my hospital gown to show her my incision. No, she would not like to see a new surgery incision, no matter where it was on my body. And no, she’d not like to see me naked, either.

8) Even if you think you know tired from pulling all-nighters during college…. The tired you experience is on a whole new level. You will be exhausted, emotional and close to tears most of the first two weeks. Just know that it will pass. The first two weeks (at least in my own experience) were the hardest. I promise you will feel (at least a little) more rested soon.

9) This might just be my experience… But I have achey joints, now! My knees especially can get so sore after sitting in Indian style, and sometimes they almost give out on my when going up and down stairs! So strange. But there you go – so is most of pregnancy and postpartum.

10) You will feel so many emotions those first couple of weeks. But the love you feel for your baby and your spouse are beyond words. It’s an amazing feeling.